Maneater Anonymous' Journal|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in
Maneater Anonymous' LiveJournal:
|Wednesday, February 21st, 2007|
It took me a long time to convince Vexen that the black creatures I found were all right and could stay with me. He did not seem to mind them so much as he seemed to mind me having found them. He is not happy that I left the room.
I know that he is not happy because he put me to sleep for a long time. He took a sharp thing and jabbed it into my arm and I fell asleep instantly. I am not happy about this – I do not like being put to sleep without knowing. I think that I will do something to annoy Vexen soon. Picking at the thread he has put in my arm seems to be enough to bother him for now.
I like picking at this thread. It hurts. Hurting is new and different and I don’t like it but I like getting to feel new things. I hope it goes away though. I am sure it would go away faster if I did not pick at it but annoying Vexen is worth it for right now.
I asked him about other people here. I am curious who the other man in black was but I do not want Vexen to know that I saw him. I have not seen him again but I have been trying to catch new scents when Vexen is not looking. I have not found any yet.
Even though I have not found any other people I am not lonely. The little black creatures have followed me back and won’t leave me. I do not mind this but it bothers Vexen. He looks at them and shakes his head and mutters something about Heartless. I think that is what they are called. No matter what they are they are my friends. They purr and like being petted. I think that they are smarter than Vexen thinks. They listen when I speak to them.
I think that I will ask them to show me where there are other people.
Vexen is coming again. I hope that he does not hurt me more.
|Sunday, February 11th, 2007|
Riku Replica Project
Day Three, Hour 6
Damn Marluxia and his chore wheel. While I was on patrol of the castle, the Replica decided to wander on its own. While I suppose I could endeavor to lock it up, such an action would likely have negative ramifications.
Fortunately the subject did not get far, and I retrieved it with little trouble. It was…playing, perhaps with the Heartless although the artificial heart itself remained untouched. I ran some tests, fearing that my artificial creation had in fact failed.
Riku was initially displeased at my desire for testing, but that is what local anesthetics are for, so I was hardly hindered. I have determined that the heart is functioning normally, although the half-life of the darkness within it seems to be greater than what I had expected. I removed what I could and hindered the growth, so that should extend the life of the Replica somewhat. It would seem that the Heartless are unable to determine between the original Riku, the Replica and Ansem, which is quite interesting as well as a relief.
Have had to stop the Replica from playing with its stitches, and further training will be on hold for a few days.
The Replica continues to ask questions about “other people like us”, and I am curious as to where he got the notion that they might be in this castle. I have hence forbidden it to leave the basement, on the pretense of over exertion and further aggravation of a wound that needs to heal. While there are still those who would meddle, it is imperative that the Replica be kept from the others.
Another thing: I am becoming concerned about what brands of manipulation it is working on me, it has since expressed a desire to keep Heartless with it, like an animal. Why I have permitted this to occur, I do not know, though the creatures bear little threat to us Nobodies outside of being destructive. I do not believe that the Replica has come to comprehend that I have no emotions, as it insisted that the creature was something to “like”. Perhaps the subject believes that I “like” it?
I assume I will have to go dress the stitches again now.
|Thursday, February 8th, 2007|
I feel much better now that I have slept. My head feels more clear and I think that I am even starting to remember things. I do not know how I am remembering things since I was just born but I am remembering things anyways.
When I woke up this morning Vexen was not in the room with me. It was the first time that I have ever been alone. I liked the feeling of his eyes not staring at me. That is all that Vexen does. He stares at me. And sometimes does more than stare.
I am beginning to get tired of the questions he is always asking me.
But it makes no difference. I have made a discovery.
I walked out of the room quietly because I did not want him to hear me. The hallways here are white and dark at the same time. I know that this does not make any sense but I do not know how else to explain it.
The hallway was empty so I think I am lucky. I had no idea where I was going or even where to go so I just started walking. I walked further and further down the hall and it twisted and turned over and over until I realized that I had no idea where I was. It was dark all around me.
Two yellow lights turned on in front of me. I stood still because I did not know what they were and I did not want to run into something that I did not know. They stood still too. I got the feeling that they were looking at me. Two more lights appeared beside the first two and then more and more until they were all around me. I could hear things moving. After a few minutes my eyes could see in the darkness.
There were strange creatures. Dozens of them. The lights were their eyes. They stared at me as they moved around. They did not move towards me and I did not move to them. It felt like we did this for a long time.
One of them moved to me and walked around me in a circle. It seemed to sniff me even though I do not know if it was. It did not hurt me so I sat down so I could look at it.
It crawled into my lap and sat there. It stared at my chest like it was looking for something. It scratched at my chest but it did not hurt. The others watched it and did not move. I was curious so I touched it. It was cool and not soft or hard. It made a weird noise when I touched it and put its head on my chest. (Purring. Why is this word in my head) I began to pet it and the rest of them came all around me. They put their claws in my hair my face my body. They rubbed against me and all tried to climb into my lap.
I stayed there a long time and then caught a strange smell. Sour and bitter. Vexen. He was coming.
I stayed where I was. He was going to find me no matter what I did.
It was strange. Before he came and found me I saw a flash of something red and caught a new scent. A man in a black coat. I did not tell this to Vexen. I want to see if I can find this other person on my own.
Riku Replica Project
Day Two, Hour 4
My Replica continues to express a need for independence, though I admit I am gratified to see it worry more heavily about conforming to my humors. Perhaps it is unscientific of me to wish it, but I will get some form of respect in this castle, one way or another.
It is far more tired than I anticipated it to be, however I expect this ailment to relieve itself in due course, as muscles strengthen themselves. I know it is not in the memory, but with disused tissue. I should have foreseen this, but it will not impede progress, only slow it down.
On that note, I have since begun to train the subject. Its progress is astounding, already I have had to research beyond my own knowledge of battle to adequately instruct, and I make reference to my notes from above; I have reason to believe that if the Replica was a fully developed human specimen in the normal sense, it may already have surpassed me. It may be wise to find a more suitable tutor in the near future. Perhaps Lexaeus would be willing.
In the course of my training procedures, it has discovered Heartless. This was on schedule, as surely I could not continue to risk my health, or compromise my status as mentor so early on. I can not yet tell if it comprehends their attraction to him as the kind of control Xehanort had once exerted and there is constant questioning as to why they should be dispatched (though this does not keep him from following orders.). I am hoping that this continuing destruction of Heartless and subsequent adding to Kingdom Hearts, will convince the Superior to view the Replica in a favourable light.
I will wait to see what further reactions the Replica has to Heartless before we broach the subject of Nobodies.
|Wednesday, February 7th, 2007|
The man is Vexen.
I do not want him to see what I am writing. I do not want him to see my words (I’m beginning to remember what words are) even though I don’t know why. He hasn’t stopped watching me but I hope he does soon.
I asked Vexen for clothes and he gave them to me. He seemed to think it was strange or funny (what does funny mean?) but he gave them to me. I’m wearing a long white coat now. It smells like him.
There are lots of smells here. Lots of them I know but not most. I don’t have words yet to say them but his smell stings my nose.
He gave me food and drink and I felt much better. My body does not feel right. It does not always go where I tell it to and sometimes it does not move at all when I try to move it. Walking is slow and hurts my legs. I hope it goes away soon.
Vexen asks me many questions. Some of them I do not understand but I answer the ones that I do. He seems pleased whenever I answer but I have no idea what it is that he wants. I just want to make sure that I stay on his good side.
There are other people here. I think I can smell them, but I’m not sure. He showed me a picture and I am very curious. I want to see these other people. I want to know how different they are from me and from Vexen. I want to see everything. I want to know everything. I want evrythng. I wan
Im so tired. i will finish later
Riku Replica Project
Day One,Hour Three
The Replica’s activation was successful, and already it is progressing as expected. It is showing the ability to use the rudimentary memories I have constructed for it, such as basic human needs and abilities. While I admit that my own experience in creating such memories are basic compared to Namine's, they seem to be serving their purpose and functioning correctly.
It seems curious, but that is to be expected of any sentient creature. Therefore I must expect and place as tight a rein as possible on factors of typical human disobedience and the testing of personal limits. It would not be wise to allow it unlimited knowledge.
My first conversation with the subject was an uneventful enough affair, I informed it of its name (I have decided that for all intents and purposes in informal communication, dubbing him 'Riku' is simplest.). I instructed it to keep notes of its own.
We have spoken twice since then; in response to its desire for clothing (does it understand shame, perhaps? Or just reacting to society-normative behavior?) I located a spare lab coat though I would prefer to research and locate garments exactly duplicate to the original Riku's. Even the smallest of variables can make a difference.
The note that it said it could ‘feel’ something pleases me, but I must take care not to get ahead of myself before the long-term effects have been observed. Such a large success this early isn’t impossible, but certainly improbable.
Most interestingly it seems to actually hold some reverence for myself as its 'creator'. Why this interests me so greatly, I am unsure, but it has since incited me to actively initiate further conversations with
The first such instance involved the subject reading some of my magic-research. As the subject will undoubtedly be using magic in his future work within the castle, I felt allowing him access to such information was harmless. They are not mine, but rather the novice Even’s, who would doubtless have been unduly embarrassed by their juvenile and clumsy attempts at Science. He had questions about magic, I answered them, though I was far more interested in talking to him than I normally would have been. Doubtless a sentient creation presents its own dangers to the mind from which it sprang.
Where the simple reading exercise became far less harmless was when he located a picture within its pages. Of course again, the picture did not belong to myself nor was it of myself, but rather Even and his Radiant Garden colleagues. I am fairly certain that the subject did not notice what few physical similarities there might have been between myself and the man in the picture, but it is certain that he was quite shocked to discover that there are people in the world besides the two of us. It was almost…disappointing to relinquish the spot of supreme center of his world so soon, but it naturally had to happen sooner rather than later. Of course, this led to further questioning about other humans, a desire to see them. I have no reason to refuse this request outright, as he will have to interact, but I have no interest in introducing my Castle Oblivion colleagues yet, particularly not Axel or Marluxia. Not until I am completely certain that his loyalties are well grounded with myself.
I would be tempted to hide him in the Castle that Never Was, but there are too many dangers there right now for his current condition nor do I wish for the Superior to see this creation as an act of mutiny or no-confidence in his own plans.
For the present, I will spend the next few hours providing basic care for the subject, feeding and proper clothing, perhaps to allow him to start learning his higher range of abilities as stamina allows.
I don’t know what’s going on.
I don’t know who I am or even what I am. I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know where “here” is. I don’t know anything.
I can’t remember anything before an hour ago, when everything suddenly appeared in front of me, as if I had raced far ahead of everything else and it had only just caught up. There had been nothing and then everything. It made my mind roll around in my head so that I had no idea how to feel. There were too many things in my mind trying to get out and too many other things trying to get in all at once.
All I know is what I’ve been told by the man I saw when everything started. He is wearing garments and I am not. I feel bothered by this, but I don’t know why. I hope he gives me some soon.
The only things he has given me are a few short words (adequate and success. <- What do these mean?) and a feeling that I can’t describe.
After I realized that he was like myself (alive) I watched him carefully. I know only what I have seen and I do not know how it is I am supposed to be. I know that he has been in the world longer and a feeling inside me has told me to do what he does so that I may survive. He began to make markings in a book with a pointed thing. When I reached for them to see what they were, he held them away. But a minute later, he handed me a smaller book and a pointed object like the one he had. I took them away and began to do as I had seen him do.
I did not know I had these words inside me. I do not know how I know how to make them. I do not even know why I called them words. I do not know what a word is. Something else inside me knows these things. I still know nothing.
|Thursday, February 8th, 2007|
Riku Replica Project
Day One,Hour Zero
As I currently have no system for recording the dates and times in this construction of memories, I shall refer to my current project in a standard 24-hour timeline, starting with it's completion and monitoring further progress through there.
I have determined that Castle Oblivion has in spite of some of my less than charming colleagues, been an intelligent move overall. I have managed to complete my work on the Replica much faster than predicted. I expect this has something to do with the absence of certain other co-workers who would view my leaving the experiment unprotected with the same reaction your average 6-year old would have to unguarded cookies on a counter within reach. Needless to say with such threats not present to inhibit progress, I have made excellent time.
My purpose for this project, aside from memories and necessary defense for this castle is to use the Replica to study the artificial creation of a heart. I hypothesize that there may be an alternative solution to our condition. Before experimenting on a true Nobody, I have taken the liberty of creating a "Patient Zero" or Artificial Test Subject, in the likeness of the Keyblader "Riku", to ensure that there is already Darkness present in the Heart of the subject, much as our own hearts would have had Darkness in them before we became Nobodies. The Experiment shall heretofore be referred to as "Riku Replica".
I will begin official recorded observation when the Riku Replica is animate.